Foster Family visit

Picking up where I left off...

Looking at the foster family's building from their garden plot.  They live in the part under the red overhang.

After we visited the finding sight, we headed out of Zhuzhou city to the 'suburbs'.  Amy called it the countryside, however.  I would say it's kind of in between what we would call countryside and suburbs in America.  Marc the geographer would call it 'communal living'.  There was a cluster of buildings where several families live in close proximity to each other, surrounded by garden areas where each family has a plot.  Chickens and ducks run around the yards.

We pulled into the lane that led up to the building where Nathan's foster family lives.  I immediately recognized his two little foster brothers who were standing on the porch.  Then a bunch of adults and other little kids came out, including Nathan's foster 'grandparents' (that's how he referred to them), their two daughters, and a son.  It's actually not that simple- the grandparents are both on their second marriage and one of the daughters of the grandmother married the son of the dad...not sure what couple got married first. Anyway, a bit of family trivia.  They have 3 grandchildren, who were all there as well.  They were all very warm and welcoming to us, and so happy to see Nathan.  We had some gifts for them and they showed us their house, which seemed to include a communal space they referred to as the 'foster care center' with a TV and couch in it (this was the nicest space in the building.)  I think there are a few kids in the community that are foster kids, but only 3 go to the public school (including Nathan). 

                                        The whole crew, plus Ms. Liu from Zhuzhou orphanage

We spent a little time getting to know them, and Grandma showed me pictures of another child she had fostered who was adopted in 2007- a darling little girl with club feet that were repaired in China before her adoption.  She told me she cried for 2 years for this child after her adoption, but that the family sends updates which she so appreciates (Michele, do you know who this could be?)  We shed a few tears together.  I just can't imagine their loss, but they kept saying it was the right thing, that Xu would have more opportunities in the US than he ever would here.  I'd have to say I agree, when looking at things through my myopic American middle class eyes.  But this family clearly loved Nathan and did their best for him.  They bought him two brand new outfits to come with him out of their own money ( I wished I could have paid them for the clothes but that would have been rude.)

                    The bedroom where Nathan slept with his foster grandparents and foster siblings

We wanted to take everyone out to lunch, so we piled 15 people into the 9 passenger van and 2 hopped onto their scooter and headed into 'town' to the local restaurant.  Amy ordered for all of us and we had great food as usual.  I could go on and on about the food we have had this week but I won't bore you.  The total bill was $42 US dollars for 17 people.

                                                                     At the restaurant

Nathan's former foster brothers

At the end of lunch we were standing around and Grandpa communicated that this whole thing was 'from
God' as he pointed to the sky.  Amy translated and Grandpa told us he was a Christian, had been for 10 years!  We were amazed and thankful.  Apparently, he is the only believer in the family, but we didn't want to stand around and ask for details about this in front of everyone.

After lunch we headed back to the house to drop off some folks and babies who needed naps and then headed to Nathan's school (White Horse Elementary!) for a visit.  We were told that Nathan had to walk 25 minutes to school, then home for lunch and back, and then home at the end of the day.  When we arrived, the place was deserted.  The students were on a field trip to learn how to do pottery.  We met with his teacher, and saw his classroom (his desk had already been removed...kind of sad.)  We chatted about all kinds of things with the curious staff, we had tea together, took a few pics, and then got ready to leave, sad that we had not met his friends.  At just that moment, the bus returned, the kids got out and swarmed us, and we got to meet friends and take more pictures. 

Nathan's classmates and teacher.  The tall girl in red is also a foster child (Michele, do you know who she is?)  Notice that Nathan and this girl are taller than their classmates, because they are older.  Sadly, foster kids don't get to start school at the proper age and hence are at a disadvantage.

We headed back to the house where we received a tour of the garden.  They wanted to send us home with some produce, but unfortunately, we are not allowed to bring vegetables to the US.  So they sent Amy home with a big bag of lettuce and some root vegetable I couldn't identify.  We then went to see the chickens and feed them (they eat lettuce- who knew?)  We could tell they really didn't want us to leave, and they said they would kill a chicken for us if we would stay for dinner.  We knew our driver wanted to get back, and Nathan seemed antsy to get out of there, so we declined.  It was so hard, I feel like crying just thinking about it.  They wanted to know if we would ever return so they could see him.  We told them we hoped so, but didn't know.  I just don't know how we could ever afford to do it at this point, but hopefully some day we will be able to take at least our 3 kids from China back.  It would be great to take everyone but I guess that's a crazy dream.

                                     
                                     
Nathan climbed in the van without hugging his Grandma good bye and we made him get out and hug her- you could tell she was just hurting.  It was so sad and difficult, and I was crying, which really disturbed Nathan.  We think he is afraid to grieve, and as we have seen, he fights feeling anything with crazy behavior and tremendous activity.  He sat in the van, holding my hand and patting it, and telling me not to cry (in Chinese of course.)

He sat totally still the whole way back and fell asleep in my lap at the end.  Totally different than the drive out there, where he was WILD and we had to keep pulling him into his seat.  Back at the hotel, he was OUT OF CONTROL.  Marc took him swimming to try and work some of the energy/feelings out.  He has a few things to say about that when he writes his 'musings' after I'm done!

That evening he had this constant smile plastered on his face when we would correct him or try to redirect him.  We think this is just his way of trying not to FEEL anything sad.  He tried to escape the room, he jumped all around the place, he was just wild.  At bedtime, we could not get him to lie down and do anything quiet.  He tried to run out in the hallway in his underwear.  Marc finally just would return him to bed and hold him firmly and tell him (or try to tell him) that he would let him go if he would just stay in the bed.  Nathan would get up, and back Marc would bring him.  Nathan was laughing hysterically at all this, then he just broke down and started sobbing.  It was totally wrenching to watch.  After crying, he got very angry, pushing us away, throwing things. We called Amy and had her talk to him a bit, to tell him we knew he was sad, and maybe scared, and angry, and that we understood.  She asked him if he wanted to go to bed, and he said 'no!'  It was fairly late by now, he had to be tired, but he didn't want to sleep.  He said he wanted to play Uno.  She got him to promise that after we played he would lie down and go to sleep.  We played 3 hands, and he had a kind of disturbing 180 degree turnaround, laughing and having fun.  He kept his word and was asleep in about 5 minutes.

We get on the plane to Guangzhou tonight and we are frankly terrified.  We don't know how we are going to keep him with us while we are toting luggage.  Please pray for us and him.  Sometimes once kids get to Guangzhou, they settle down.  I don't know why, but I've seen it and heard it from others.  Maybe they accept what is happening better.