My first kiss :-)

I got my first kiss from Nathan today.  Best Christmas present of the year! (Sorry guys, I love the other presents I got too!)  He just came up to me after opening his presents and gave me this quick kiss on the cheek.

To be honest, I didn't know what to expect today.  Too much excitement and too many new things SHOULD have brought out the 'wild man' in Nathan, but didn't.  We had a really good, calm, happy day. I was a little worried this morning when I came down and the kids said he was acting kind of grumpy and sad and didn't smile when he opened his stocking ( I managed to sleep through that somehow- must be the monstrous amount of sleep deprivation I've suffered for the last 3 weeks!)  Anyway, turns out his teeth were bothering him.  I hope we make it to January 11 when he gets 2 extractions, a thorough dental cleaning, and 8 fillings, all under general anesthesia.

Things keep improving with our little guy, and with our other kids too.  I think the hardest thing for me about adopting a child is the effect it has short term on the kids already in the home.  Every time we have added a child to our family, at least one child has been majorly impacted.  This time, I have been pleasantly surprised that most of the kids seem to be doing pretty well with their new brother, most of the time.  But a couple are still struggling, and it's hard to watch sometimes.  I know they will get through this time and we will reach 'the new normal' but I just wish we would get there tomorrow!

I think our social worker compared adoption to a chandelier.  The chandelier is the whole family, with each little dangly thing one of the family members.  When a new child enters the family, it's as if someone has bumped into the chandelier.  The whole thing rocks and sways, and so does each little dangly thing.  Gradually, the chandelier and it's individual pieces stop swinging and a new equilibrium has been established.  Our chandelier is swinging a little less each day.

Sorry, no Christmas pics yet!  Maybe tomorrow.  Merry Christmas!

Wo ai Mama!

"I love Mama."  That's what I heard Nathan say at dinner tonight while he was chatting with Jacob (or should I say, chatting AT Jacob in Chinese.  I have no idea what else he was talking about, but I did catch that sentence.  I think I will choose to remember this the next time he acts like an ornery toddler. 

OK, so we TRIED...

to get that perfect Christmas photo.

I am guessing that the Auburn fans will not like this one.  Sorry, cousins Michael, Keith, and Scott, if you are reading this.  Or my neighbors, the Moores.

                                                Removing the old folks improves the photo a little.

 

Sorry I haven't posted lately.  Way too much going on.  I feel like whining a bit, so I think I'll go ahead and get it over with.  Today alone, we lost Josiah's much-loved speech pathologist to another school, I got the blue screen of death on the last sort-of functioning desktop in the house, and our fairly new and expensive basketball hoop blew over in the wind and the backboard cracked and the rim bent...it's basically totalled. Why, oh why, did I not wheel it into the garage?

We continue to have ups and downs with Nathan, mostly stuff that is oh-so-typical with older adopted kids, but still trying, especially in the middle of holiday season, school and sports events, etc.  Sunday, I COULD NOT get him out the door to go to church.  Marc was with Drew at a basketball game, and Nathan literally refused to get dressed and go in the car.  I knew that if I forced him to go, I would really pay for it while I was there, and I was just too exhausted and beaten down to go there.  What would be the point?  I understand his refusal to go- he hates riding in the car and gets carsick, and once there, he has no idea what's going on anyway.  It's just one big confusing event to him. 

I still haven't been able to attend any of Drew's basketball games, either his travel team or his school team's games yet.  Both teams are 2-0 so far.  I really like to watch him play.  Noah has only had one game so far, which I missed. I did get to see Jacob's first game of the season and  Grace's debut basketball game.  She was awesome for a little pipsqueak!  She scored 10 points and her team won, 24-2, I think.  Jacob's team did not fare quite so well...next time.

We are going to enroll Nathan in school come the new year.  Somehow, my principal managed to get it approved that he would just attend ELL classes for 2 hours a day.  I think this will be ideal at first.  If he does well, we can gradually lengthen his day.  I am hoping being there will motivate him to start speaking English.  He is still not using any English.  I mean, virtually NONE.  He still chatters away in Chinese all day long, doesn't even use words like 'yes' and 'no' in English yet.  He will say "Hello" in English.  He can't count to 5 in English yet, despite working on it every day.  He still doesn't know the 4 colors in the game UNO that we have now been playing for 5 weeks.  I am honestly not sure if he knows the names of his siblings yet, except Grace, Josiah, and Jacob.  Yet, we see he is quite capable in other ways.  He can look at a diagram for the Chinese equivalent of a bionicle and put the thing together without help.  Today, in the kitchen, he was helping me clean up and he put all the vegetable scraps in the outer leaf of a cabbage I had sitting there and carried it to the trash.  Very tidy!  I have been able to do very small amounts of reading with him, working on writing his name, etc, but he is not interested in these things and can't stay focused on these types of activities for more than about 5 minutes.  One thing he does like are these Usborne Search and Find books.  I have seen him spend as much as an hour hunting for items in these books.  He's getting another one for Christmas!  My days at home with him are peaceful for the most part- he does quite well when it's just the two of us, or when Josiah is here after he gets home from kindergarten.  Today, the two of them were wrestling and laughing for a long time.  No one cried, got mad,  or got hurt! 

He is quite the 'dizzy performer' when in new situations (that's for all you folks reading 'Parenting your Internationally Adopted Child').  I have yet to see him really shut down, he just revs up.  We have really tried lying low and staying home most of the time, and this really does help.  Most days I don't take him anywhere (not that this has been a problem since it's like 15 degrees outside and windy!) Pretty much every thing outside the home we have gone to has clearly stressed him, as evidenced by his 'dizzy performing' in public.  Tonight we had a school holiday program and he had a lot of trouble controlling his behavior, but we got through it. 

He has patted several people (like the eye doctor and the dentist) on their stomachs as if to say, "Whoa, what the heck is this?"  The girth of many Americans really seems to fascinate him.  Yikes.  It's hard to not be totally MORTIFIED when this happens!

My running has really taken a backseat lately, and it's killing me!  I can still get out and do 5 miles but it's not as easy as it was before we left for China, and I can't believe I'm only getting out 2 or 3 days a week.  I have got to make the time somehow, for my own sanity, but there are only so many daylight hours to be had and I just can't leave Nathan in the care of my teen girls for very long at all, certainly not long enough to go out and train properly.

OK, I'm done whining for today! 

Short update

Monday, all the Hunter kids except Nathan went back to school after their long Thanksgiving break.  I was not at all sure how this would go, but Nathan has done fine with just boring old Mom around.  Today, he had his first visit to the dentist- 5 cavities and some tender gums.  He did great overall, though when the dentist found one of his cavities he jumped a bit, and we weren't able to do a thorough cleaning because his gums were so sensitive.  We will be consulting a pediatric dentist on Thursday who does sedation dentistry about getting the 2 fillings he really needs and finishing the cleaning since we really can't explain things to him very well, plus I just think it will be better for him that way.

Have I mentioned how much I love our little elementary school?  High praise from this former home schooler!  Yesterday, Josiah's speech path at school called to see how we were doing (I think Nathan may need her services...)  Today, our principal called me at home, after school hours, to see how Nathan was doing and to welcome us home.  We had had some long discussions about Nathan's education prior to bringing him home.  I am still not sure what is going to work for him, but hopefully we will figure it out by January!  Our school doesn't have any other ELL kids so Nathan would go to another school nearby for 2 hours of an ELLclass with kids K-2nd grade and then spend the rest of the day at our school.  I really like the ELL teacher and think this mixed age group class would be perfect for him, but I am concerned about him being a student at 2 schools, with so many new people to deal with. Tomorrow, I am going to take him up to our little school to say hello- Grace has been begging me to bring him in, her classmates want to meet him, and our principal is excited to meet him too.  I hope we can figure out a plan that works for Nathan so he can be part of the Lincoln community this year but still get some ELL services as well.  If any of you BTDT parents have any great suggestions, I'd love to hear them.  I would be willing to home school him, but I think he is going to want to go to school.  I don't know if we can do a part time thing and gradually transition him, but I think that that would be best.  Just don't know if the county will allow it. 

Much to be thankful for, glad to be reminded of it every year!

Had a pretty low-key Thanksgiving this year, just our immediate family. It was probably best for Nathan that way.  He seemed to enjoy his first American holiday, including all the food except for the cranberry jelly (which I could live without myself...)

Another good day!

Today we ventured out of the nest to the school playground. The three amigos had a lot of fun, running races, climbing on the equipment, and being silly.

Nathan is overall doing just great. There are some things that scare the heck out of me- yesterday, he was practicing using the skateboard in our driveway, and all of a sudden he just ran up to it and jumped on with both feet. SMACK! He landed on his rear hard and was close to tears. We have yet to see this kid really cry from pain. Grace was the same way, I remember having to make a big deal of little hurts (so totally against my nature!) before she would feel free to cry and seek comfort when hurt.

We did see a little bout of the wildness/bouncing off the walls kind of activity yesterday that we saw constantly in China, but somehow we got Nathan to stop revving and settle down fairly quickly.

He is eating great, though not the massive quantities that we saw in China. I am pretty limited in my Chinese food cooking skills, despite many attempts, but he seems to like American food fairly well. As for Chinese food, I have given him a couple of noodle bowls, frozen potstickers, my sad attempt at fried rice, and some sauteed bok choy with his eggs this morning. If anyone has any other suggestions of easy stuff I could have on hand for him, I'm open!

We also made a short foray to the grocery store yesterday after the playground and he did very well, staying with me, picking out a couple of noodle bowls and some apples. I had to turn down his request for a balloon and he took that very well. I let the kids each buy a pack of gum at the end and he was quite excited to hand his cash to the cashier! When we got home, he offered all of us a piece of gum (which was about half the pack!)

Nathan is having a little trouble adjusting to sleeping in his own bed, even though he is sharing a room with three of his brothers. I don't think he has ever slept alone in a bed, and he always wants to climb in with Marc and me. In China, we let him do this a couple of times (but we had a king bed there.) Neither of us could sleep well with him there- he grinds his teeth at night like crazy, and it is the most horrifying sound. We are heading to the dentist as soon as our insurance is in place, though I sure wish we could communicate with him a bit better before we go. Last night, he came in our room, half crying, sort of whining, and wanted to get in bed with us. I had set up a sleeping bag and pillow on the floor next to me already, just in case, but he was not thrilled about that option, and he didn't want me to come and lie down with him in his bed either. He did end up getting in the sleeping bag, but it took him a long time to fall asleep again.

We received an email from his foster family thanking us for sending photos of him while we were in China. I am so thankful that we can stay in touch with them.

Jet lag...

This is where I found Nathan around 5:45 pm yesterday. I had lost him about 5 minutes earlier. The kids were like, "He was just here playing, Mom. We don't know where he is!" I was a little freaked out and ran through the house, calling for him. Found him! He woke up around 10:30 so I fed him some potstickers and put him back to bed. He managed to sleep till morning.

We skipped church this morning (well, Marc went since he had set up and Children's Church.)  Too many kids coughing and hacking around here plus I think it's too soon for us to take Nathan at this point.  Hopefully, next Sunday.  Still not sure how I can explain to him what church is all about!  I guess this week I'll have him listen to the Chinese CD of Bible stories I bought...wonder if that will help?  Also not sure what we are going to do about Sunday School for him.  I wonder if the nursery will take a 9 year old?

Home again, home again...

Well, all you pray-ers, your prayers were answered!  Call me amazed!  We survived 28 hours of traveling with Nathan, without major event.  He stuck with us in the airports, he sat on the airplane like a champ, he didn't need to be constantly entertained, he napped, he obeyed us, etc.  The last 3 hours of our Beijing to NYC leg were difficult, because he was exhausted and couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep well.  He was sort of in la-la land, half asleep, half crying, kicking around, falling off the seats, etc.  He finally fell asleep across our laps.  Once we landed, the lady behind us told us how good he was on the trip and how she didn't even know he was there!  Oh, my, after spending 2 very lively weeks with Nathan in China, I sort of felt like pinching myself to see if I was imagining this comment from the stranger behind me!

Immigration at JFK was a breeze.  So different than when we came in at Miami for our girls 8 years ago, where we sat in a room for a couple of hours with our 'brown envelope' waiting to be processed by an unfriendly INS staff.  Missed our connecting flight thanks to that and got home a day late!    This time, the staff members were helpful and friendly and the whole process took about 3 minutes.

We came home to a very clean house (thanks, Louise, Mary, Trisha and Vania!)  All the kids were happy to see us and show Nathan around the house.  He seemed very happy to meet his sibs and they have been great with him so far.  He will need to learn that some things are off limits, but overall, he is doing great- not bouncing off the walls or anything.  He seems much calmer and we've seen an awful lot of smiles.  I was concerned about bedtime, esp. with the jet lag/messed up body clock we are all dealing with, plus the fact Nathan has always shared a bed with someone, but even bedtime went OK. I think having 3 of his brothers in the room with him helps.  I read some picture books to the littles, including Nathan, tucked him in, did my best to explain that if he needed anything all he had to do was call 'mama'.  Of course, he immediately started calling, 'mama' over and over, the wisenheimer.  He had trouble falling asleep, so I put on a CD of Chinese folk stories for him.  After this finished, he came in our room, so I took him back to bed and laid down with him.  He fell asleep after about 5 minutes and back to bed I went.  He managed to sleep till about 6 am when he started making a good bit of noise in the boys' room, so we brought him into our bed for a little while.  I then took him downstairs and fed him.  Shortly, all the littles were awake, and the fun began.  They have been playing all morning.  I hope the honeymoon lasts for at least a week...the kids are off school for the next week so hopefully we can lie low and keep things as boring and low key as possible for Nathan.  Not that it is ever too boring around here.

I feel almost human after 6 hours of sleep.  Maybe I'll even be able to go for a run today!

Our last night in GZ...sniff sniff

Well, our time here is just about done. As happy as I am to be heading home and seeing the rest of my kids, it's always kind of sad to leave, because we never know if it will be the last time we ever see China. Hopefully, we will be able to return some day and bring at least our 3 from here so they can visit their birthplace.

This trip I feel especially sad to leave, as we were able to visit with our dear friend Ann quite a bit this week. We had so much fun with her and her family, and who knows if we will see them again?

Will post the last few photos from today in the morning if I have time, otherwise once we get home! All you praying folk, we would appreciate your prayers for safe travel, and for Nathan in particular since it is just about IMPOSSIBLE to imagine him on a plane for 14 hours! Also for our kids at home who may need some special grace getting used to their new sib!

Marc's Musings #3

Crash Test Dummy

Nathan will always have a job waiting for him at Ford, GMC, or Toyota.  He can be the first live crash test dummy!  I am very surprised that he has not broken a bone thus far.  On one day he fell hard four times; twice he was running and did full body slams on concrete...both elbows were bleeding after one fall...after both falls he got up and walked away without a tear but did limp a bit.  At the pool he fell twice.  Once, after I explained to him not to run, he ran, tried to make an abrupt stop, slipped and fell on his butt, head hitting the floor.  The second pool incident happend in the locker room.  He tried to run out in the lobby naked but there was a jog in the wall leading to the lobby.  The floor was wet and he could not navigate the turn. SLAM!  He hit the floor and slammed against the wall.  We were at the play ground having a great time when he decided to attempt a leap over a metal fence.  As he was midair, and before I could tell him not to jump, he caught the top of the fence with his feet and did a frontal slam on the concrete.  I was sure the kid would either, not get up or surely have broken bones.  He laid on the grould for about 20 seconds as I and a group of 10 Chinese grandmothers all gathered around.  He rolled over, I held him in. my arms and asked where it hurt.  He pointed to one thigh and one knee.  He eventually wanted to get up amd move.  He was obviously hurt but limped away to find another activity.  That night at bath time we noticed another whole suite of leg bruises and noticed that he had de-scabbed his elbows.  I am glad we knocked down the tree fort in the woods and glad we have health insurance.

We will be home in a day and a half and I can't wait.

Pics from the Pearl River Cruise and the Zoo

Here we are on the Pearl River cruise with our new friends Becca and Lewis and their new daughter, Zoey, who is 4 years old.  They are first time parents!  Pretty neat.  Their daughter is the CUTEST thing ever.

Clowns are scary.

                                          So are life vest demonstrations on a dinner cruise.

And fake dead earthquake victims awaiting burial in a science exhibit at the zoo (????)

I must include at least one picture of an animal since this post title includes the word 'zoo.'

                                                          He is pretty darn cute, huh?

Joan's musings

I am about to scream.  I just spent an hour writing a long update about everything, and then I touched something which highlighted the entire post, and deleted it, despite all the automatic saving that blogger does. 

I don't have time to re-do this, so I guess I'll hit the high points.  Nathan continues to do well in some ways.  He actually seems to really LIKE us for the most part, except when we don't let him eat cookies before breakfast.  Even then, he recovers quickly.  He is so considerate and generous.  Last night, Ann gave him some treats, which he shared with every one of us after dinner without being prompted.  At meals, he likes to serve each of us some food before he puts some on his plate.  At the playground (which we visit daily if not more often!) he helps the little kids on the equipment and is careful not to run over them.

In other ways, we have issues.  Nathan seems to have no concept of staying close to his family out in public.  We have to sort of 'prep' him before we go out, and it does not seem to help much.  He is indiscriminately friendly to everyone.  We don't know if this is because he sees all adults as equally useful caregivers, or just his personality.  Probably is a bit of both.  We also think he had a lot more physical freedom in his foster home simply because they lived out in the country.  He could wander off and play and find his way home.  He still thinks he can do that in the big city.  Yikes.

We still think he is just overloaded by all the sensory stimulation here.  Last night, at dinner, we were in a private room and he did so much better than when we are in a crowded restaurant.

Today is Wednesday...haven't had time to post much lately.

Last night was the Pearl River cruise.  There are even more beautiful lights and boats along the river this year because of the Asian Games.  The food is still mediocre, but that didn't stop Nathan from eating 4 full plates of food.  He also took little sweets around the boat and offered them to our guides, Rebecca and Lily, and to others as well.  This year, they had a new act on board- a juggling clown!  We were really worried that Nathan might throw himself in the river but we actually stayed inside the boat until the last 5 minutes when we went out on the deck.  He immediately started acting squirrelly and started talking to strangers, asking them for their cameras, touching them, etc.  Back inside we went.  Cruise over.  Back to the hotel.  All was well.

Bedtime is still a little tough.  Nathan gets very active right before bedtime and fights getting in bed.  He is sleeping on a twin blow-up mattress in our room that we brought with us (to save the extra $40 a night the White Swan would have charged for a cot!  Can you IMAGINE?)  He always wants one of us to lie down with him, which we do.  Last night I decided to read aloud to him while we were lying there.  I seem to have a sleep inducing voice, as we discovered when he fell asleep the other afternoon while I was reading Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child aloud to Marc- kinda funny!  Anyway, I read the first 4 chapters of Genesis to him and he was OUT!  Sorry Pastor Dave, we'll try to keep him awake in church.


Our group went to the zoo today and we decided to give it a go.  It went OK!  As soon as we arrived, Nathan had to go to the bathroom.  As they were returning, I had to laugh at the picture of Marc walking calmly down this long sidewalk, with this little skipping, hopping, weaving, arm waving kid near him.  Wish I had a video of it!  Also,we had borrowed a wrist strap leash kind of thing from another mom here who is adopting an older boy as well.  We have explained to Nathan OVER and OVER that he needs to stay close to mom and dad.  Today, after he ignored us and wandered away, we put the wrist strap on him.  He was MAD about this.  He said some mean things to us (in Chinese) and then pouted a bit but cooperated.  After 5 minutes of wearing the wrist strap, we removed it and he did OK.  I think he felt a little humiliated by actually having to wear it.  I hate to say it, but I guess that's progress.  He got the message.  We did have to pull the strap out a couple more times as a visual 'cue' that he needed to listen and stay close.  Repetition, repetition...

Meeting Ann for dinner again tonight, so will post pics later. Sorry!

And more pics

Ann and I

All of us

The boys and their yo yos

Pics from the last couple days

These are the kids being adopted (well, except for the one rather obvious non-Chinese kid in the pic!

Multi-level mall we visited. So many shops, so little time! Just kidding, I hate to shop!

This is Nathan, with his friend Charlie. Charlie's family is here adopting a little sister for Charlie and his two other sibs.

Guangzhou stuff

This is a pic of our Lifeline travel group. Nathan is the oldest child being adopted- I think the next oldest is a 4 year old girl. You can see that several of the families brought their other kids on the trip. How we wish we could have done that! We think it would have helped Nathan with his transition to our family. Oh well, hindsight...

The last couple days have been spent doing things related to the US side of Nathan's adoption- meeting the medical exam requirements, applying for his visa to come to the US, etc. Yesterday, we had an excursion to the local multi-level shopping mall where I was able to pick up a few Christmas gifts. Nathan and Marc stayed behind as Nathan just seems to do better without too much sensory overload in the form of people, glitzy places, etc. We also skipped today's trip to the Botanical Gardens and instead just hung around near the hotel.

Tonight we met up with Ann, who was our guide for Grace's adoption. We have stayed in touch over the years and it is always a treat to see her when we come to China. She, her husband, and her son joined us for dinner tonight. Actually, I should say we joined them- they picked us up and took us out for a traditional Cantonese dinner at a restaurant that has been around for over 100 years. Cantonese food is very different than the food in Nathan's province, Hunan. Hunan food is very spicy, and Cantonese food is very mildly flavored. But it's all good! After dinner we went to a 'walking street' with shops. The place was packed with people on a Monday night, strolling and shopping. Nathan started getting squirrely almost immediately so we knew we were going to have to cut the evening short. He did very well at the dinner, however. I think it helped having Ann's 6 year old son there. Ann had brought Nathan some gifts, and both boys played with yoyos together after they were done eating. Also, we were eating in a private room so there was less to look at and be distracted by. Ann was very good at explaining things to Nathan as well. I think this helps him so much.

Gotta finish up- my clickety clacking keyboard is preventing someone from fallling asleep! I will post pics of today a bit later once Nathan is conked.

Pics from yesterday and today

Sign on Orange Island.  Isn't this so much nicer than KEEP OFF THE GRASS?

Ahhh....Guangzhou.  A familiar place to us.  This morning we enjoyed the wonderful buffet breakfast at the White Swan Hotel.  There are a ton of adoptive families here this week which sort of surprises me since the Asian Games are in town.  I kind of thought most agencies were delaying travel, but I guess not. 

Nathan seems to be doing a bit better and isn't quite as bouncy as he was in Changsha.  He slept great last night and didn't have too much trouble setting in to sleep either (of course, it was about 1 am!) We are lounging in our hotel room this afternoon after spending part of the morning at the medical clinic, where Nathan and about 20 other children had physical exams, TB tests, and shots.  Nathan had a little bit of trouble there with self control (lying on the floor, turning off the air conditioning, throwing toys, etc.  He did great with his shots.  He only needed 3 shots, thankfully, and he was a trooper, pushing up his sleeves, holding still, not a whimper.  I felt so bad for a little 2 year old girl who needed SEVEN shots.  Our gov't needs to get their act together and get rid of this ridiculous requirement.  I don't see how it can be good for a 22 pound kid to get 7 shots in one day.  Maybe there is no "medical" reason it's bad, but it surely isn't great for these children to have to endure this kind of thing one week after being plucked from their old lives, deposited with weird smelling strangers, and going through enough trauma without being hurt.

I am not exactly sure how many people are in our Lifeline travel group here in GZ since some didn't come in until today, but so far we have met about 4 families.  None of them are adopting older kids, they are toddlers or babies.  One family has a boy about Nathan's age who I am hoping will be able to help him learn to play his DS games since Marc and I are hopelessly inept in this department.  We have got to find some sort of activity to occupy Nathan on that plane ride home!!  We have managed to teach him to play Uno pretty well so I guess we could do that for 14 hours.

Here are some photos from our visit to Orange Island yesterday morning in Changsha before we left, and also on the plane, and from today's visit to the medical clinic.

Not sure what to say about this one

Someone didn't want his picture taken

Made it to Guangzhou

It's crazy late and we just got to the White Swan an hour ago.  Our flight from ZZ was delayed an hour and half, sitting on the plane thanks to the Asian Games opening ceremony in Guangzhou.  Nathan did remarkably well considering this unexpected delay.  We did not have to chase him through the airport and on the plane he only pressed the call button once...tee hee.

Rebecca picked us up at the airport and then we had a kind of long drive to the White Swan hotel, thanks to road closures due to the Asian Games.  Two presidents of some unknown to us Asian countries are staying at our hotel and we had to go through a metal detector to enter the hotel tonight!

Foster Family visit

Picking up where I left off...

Looking at the foster family's building from their garden plot.  They live in the part under the red overhang.

After we visited the finding sight, we headed out of Zhuzhou city to the 'suburbs'.  Amy called it the countryside, however.  I would say it's kind of in between what we would call countryside and suburbs in America.  Marc the geographer would call it 'communal living'.  There was a cluster of buildings where several families live in close proximity to each other, surrounded by garden areas where each family has a plot.  Chickens and ducks run around the yards.

We pulled into the lane that led up to the building where Nathan's foster family lives.  I immediately recognized his two little foster brothers who were standing on the porch.  Then a bunch of adults and other little kids came out, including Nathan's foster 'grandparents' (that's how he referred to them), their two daughters, and a son.  It's actually not that simple- the grandparents are both on their second marriage and one of the daughters of the grandmother married the son of the dad...not sure what couple got married first. Anyway, a bit of family trivia.  They have 3 grandchildren, who were all there as well.  They were all very warm and welcoming to us, and so happy to see Nathan.  We had some gifts for them and they showed us their house, which seemed to include a communal space they referred to as the 'foster care center' with a TV and couch in it (this was the nicest space in the building.)  I think there are a few kids in the community that are foster kids, but only 3 go to the public school (including Nathan). 

                                        The whole crew, plus Ms. Liu from Zhuzhou orphanage

We spent a little time getting to know them, and Grandma showed me pictures of another child she had fostered who was adopted in 2007- a darling little girl with club feet that were repaired in China before her adoption.  She told me she cried for 2 years for this child after her adoption, but that the family sends updates which she so appreciates (Michele, do you know who this could be?)  We shed a few tears together.  I just can't imagine their loss, but they kept saying it was the right thing, that Xu would have more opportunities in the US than he ever would here.  I'd have to say I agree, when looking at things through my myopic American middle class eyes.  But this family clearly loved Nathan and did their best for him.  They bought him two brand new outfits to come with him out of their own money ( I wished I could have paid them for the clothes but that would have been rude.)

                    The bedroom where Nathan slept with his foster grandparents and foster siblings

We wanted to take everyone out to lunch, so we piled 15 people into the 9 passenger van and 2 hopped onto their scooter and headed into 'town' to the local restaurant.  Amy ordered for all of us and we had great food as usual.  I could go on and on about the food we have had this week but I won't bore you.  The total bill was $42 US dollars for 17 people.

                                                                     At the restaurant

Nathan's former foster brothers

At the end of lunch we were standing around and Grandpa communicated that this whole thing was 'from
God' as he pointed to the sky.  Amy translated and Grandpa told us he was a Christian, had been for 10 years!  We were amazed and thankful.  Apparently, he is the only believer in the family, but we didn't want to stand around and ask for details about this in front of everyone.

After lunch we headed back to the house to drop off some folks and babies who needed naps and then headed to Nathan's school (White Horse Elementary!) for a visit.  We were told that Nathan had to walk 25 minutes to school, then home for lunch and back, and then home at the end of the day.  When we arrived, the place was deserted.  The students were on a field trip to learn how to do pottery.  We met with his teacher, and saw his classroom (his desk had already been removed...kind of sad.)  We chatted about all kinds of things with the curious staff, we had tea together, took a few pics, and then got ready to leave, sad that we had not met his friends.  At just that moment, the bus returned, the kids got out and swarmed us, and we got to meet friends and take more pictures. 

Nathan's classmates and teacher.  The tall girl in red is also a foster child (Michele, do you know who she is?)  Notice that Nathan and this girl are taller than their classmates, because they are older.  Sadly, foster kids don't get to start school at the proper age and hence are at a disadvantage.

We headed back to the house where we received a tour of the garden.  They wanted to send us home with some produce, but unfortunately, we are not allowed to bring vegetables to the US.  So they sent Amy home with a big bag of lettuce and some root vegetable I couldn't identify.  We then went to see the chickens and feed them (they eat lettuce- who knew?)  We could tell they really didn't want us to leave, and they said they would kill a chicken for us if we would stay for dinner.  We knew our driver wanted to get back, and Nathan seemed antsy to get out of there, so we declined.  It was so hard, I feel like crying just thinking about it.  They wanted to know if we would ever return so they could see him.  We told them we hoped so, but didn't know.  I just don't know how we could ever afford to do it at this point, but hopefully some day we will be able to take at least our 3 kids from China back.  It would be great to take everyone but I guess that's a crazy dream.

                                     
                                     
Nathan climbed in the van without hugging his Grandma good bye and we made him get out and hug her- you could tell she was just hurting.  It was so sad and difficult, and I was crying, which really disturbed Nathan.  We think he is afraid to grieve, and as we have seen, he fights feeling anything with crazy behavior and tremendous activity.  He sat in the van, holding my hand and patting it, and telling me not to cry (in Chinese of course.)

He sat totally still the whole way back and fell asleep in my lap at the end.  Totally different than the drive out there, where he was WILD and we had to keep pulling him into his seat.  Back at the hotel, he was OUT OF CONTROL.  Marc took him swimming to try and work some of the energy/feelings out.  He has a few things to say about that when he writes his 'musings' after I'm done!

That evening he had this constant smile plastered on his face when we would correct him or try to redirect him.  We think this is just his way of trying not to FEEL anything sad.  He tried to escape the room, he jumped all around the place, he was just wild.  At bedtime, we could not get him to lie down and do anything quiet.  He tried to run out in the hallway in his underwear.  Marc finally just would return him to bed and hold him firmly and tell him (or try to tell him) that he would let him go if he would just stay in the bed.  Nathan would get up, and back Marc would bring him.  Nathan was laughing hysterically at all this, then he just broke down and started sobbing.  It was totally wrenching to watch.  After crying, he got very angry, pushing us away, throwing things. We called Amy and had her talk to him a bit, to tell him we knew he was sad, and maybe scared, and angry, and that we understood.  She asked him if he wanted to go to bed, and he said 'no!'  It was fairly late by now, he had to be tired, but he didn't want to sleep.  He said he wanted to play Uno.  She got him to promise that after we played he would lie down and go to sleep.  We played 3 hands, and he had a kind of disturbing 180 degree turnaround, laughing and having fun.  He kept his word and was asleep in about 5 minutes.

We get on the plane to Guangzhou tonight and we are frankly terrified.  We don't know how we are going to keep him with us while we are toting luggage.  Please pray for us and him.  Sometimes once kids get to Guangzhou, they settle down.  I don't know why, but I've seen it and heard it from others.  Maybe they accept what is happening better.